What Happens in Your First Couples Session
Not knowing what to expect is one of the biggest reasons couples put off therapy. Here’s what the first steps look like at Serenity Harbour, from the free consult to your first full session.
Michael Wassef, Registered Psychotherapist
IN SHORT
It starts with a free 15-minute consult, so you can see if the fit feels right.
The first session is about understanding your relationship, not deciding who’s right.
You’ll leave with a clearer picture of the pattern you’re caught in, and a plan for what comes next.
Reaching out for couples therapy can feel like a big step. Some couples come after months of the same argument. Others come in the middle of a crisis. Many come with one partner more eager than the other. Wherever you’re starting from, knowing what to expect can make that first step easier.
Before you begin: the free consult
Most couples start with a free 15-minute consult, by phone or video. It’s a chance to share briefly what’s bringing you in, ask questions about how I work, and get a feel for whether we’re a good fit. There’s no pressure to book anything afterwards.
If you decide to go ahead, you’ll book your first session online through Jane, our secure booking system, and complete a short intake and consent form before you arrive. Sessions are available in person at our Burlington and Mississauga offices, or online anywhere in Ontario, in English or Arabic.
What happens in the first session
Your first session is a conversation, not a test. You don’t need to prepare a speech or have the right words. Here’s roughly what we’ll cover:
Getting settled. We'll cover confidentiality and its limits, how sessions work, and any questions you have.
What brings you here now. Each of you gets to share, in your own words, what’s been happening and why you decided to come. I’ll make sure both of you are heard.
Your story as a couple. How you met, what drew you together, and what has helped you through hard times before. Your strengths matter as much as your struggles.
How conflict goes for you. We look at a recent argument or moment of distance, step by step, to start seeing the pattern underneath it.
What you each hope for. We talk about what you want to change and start shaping shared goals.
Sessions are 50 minutes. You can find current rates on our Fees & Insurance page.
Will the therapist take sides?
No. This is one of the most common worries, especially for the partner who feels “dragged” to therapy. In Emotionally Focused Therapy, we don’t focus on deciding who is right. It’s about the cycle you’re both caught in—often one partner pushing for connection while the other steps back to keep the peace. You're both usually trying to protect the relationship, just in different ways. My job is to help each of you feel understood so you can face the cycle together.
You can read more about this approach in What Is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy?
Curious about how couples therapy works at Serenity Harbour? Learn about our EFT-informed approach, the three steps of our work, and answers to common questions.
Individual check-ins
Early in our work, I usually meet briefly with you together and with each partner separately. This gives each of you space to share things that are hard to say in front of your partner, including anything about safety. Before these check-ins, I’ll clearly explain how I handle information shared one-on-one.
What happens after the first session
Over the next few sessions, we’ll map your cycle in more detail and start slowing it down so arguments feel less dangerous. Many couples begin with weekly sessions and space them out as things improve. We’ll check in regularly about how it’s going and whether the pace feels right.
If you’re coming because of an affair or another betrayal, the early sessions will also focus on steadying the crisis. Our affair recovery counselling page explains what that looks like, and Can Trust Be Rebuilt After a Betrayal? covers how healing happens.
How to prepare
You don’t need to do anything special. If it helps, each of you might think about:
What made you decide to reach out now?
What does a typical argument or moment of distance look like between you?
What do you miss most about how things used to be — or what do you wish you’d had?
What would tell you, a few months from now, that therapy had helped?
Common worries
“What if we fight in the session?”
It happens, and it’s okay. Seeing the cycle in action can actually help. I’ll slow things down so the conversation stays safe and useful for both of you.
“My partner doesn’t want to come.”
That’s common. You can start individual counselling to understand your part in the pattern, and your partner can join later. Engaged couples who want to build these skills early can look at premarital counselling.
“Is online couples therapy as good as in person?”
Many couples find online sessions work well, especially with busy schedules or long drives. You can choose what feels most comfortable and switch later if you like.
A note on safety. Couples therapy isn’t the right starting point if there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour in the relationship. If you don’t feel safe, please reach out for individual support. In an emergency, call 911; for crisis support, call or text 988.
Michael Wassef, MDiv, BEng, Registered Psychotherapist, offers EFT-informed couples therapy and marriage counselling in Burlington, Hamilton, Oakville and Mississauga, and online across Ontario, in English and Arabic.
This article is general information, not therapy or medical advice, and doesn’t describe any specific client.